Away

I saw her again after several months in which she could not be convinced to come to my office. The last time she was there, she thought my name was 'Ribaldina' and noted her failing memory with some distress.

This time she thought she was at her doctor's office, remembered my face but had no recollection of my name, or of having visited my office, weekly, for over a year. She looked the same except that her hat was on inside-out, and she was not wearing any makeup. She had on long, very pretty dangly earings that she said were a gift from her new boyfriend. She has no new boyfriends, and in fact her old boyfriend has been so frightened by her memory loss that he stays away more than he visits.

She thought the year was 2007, which isn't so bad, but then said that she was 32 years old, and single, and had no children. This confused her some as she did remember having a newborn granddaughter, but the confusion was short-lived and she broke into a fit of giggles saying that life sure is strange.

I know I will not see her again. There is nothing I can do for her at this point, and besides, she does not feel depressed or even anxious. Any memory she might have had of our sessions together has been erased, and I wonder now what the point really was. It was always difficult for me to see her, painful to the point that I would feel physically tired after our session ended at 11am, with little strength left for my other patients. But I usually told myself that it was all worth it if it helped her. Now she wears her hat inside-out, and thinks I'm her doctor -who is a man, and waits for a boyfriend she will never have.

Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can do this job.